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Worst. Christmas. Ev–, Well, You Know.

Posted November 30, 2007 by Guerrs

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Since tomorrow’s December 1st, and the Christmas blitz started about a minute after the Thanksgiving turkey was carved, I dug up an old relic to make everyone feel better about their holidays. Watch the commercial above. Can you imagine waking up on Christmas morning, running downstairs, and finding an oddly-shaped midget dressed as Santa hogging your Atari?

I’m assuming the gift was for E.T. since his name was on it. (Which doesn’t really make sense. What the hell is E.T. doing in their house and why are they expecting him?) Now, how would you feel if you opened your gift and it was a video game about you? Pretty sweet, right? But what about when it turns out to be literal landfill known as E.T. The Video Game?

I’m sure if the commercial ran for 5 seconds longer, it would show E.T. working himself into a murderous rage after getting stuck in that damn pit over and over, directing his anger to the children and the useless dog (way to warn of intruders, jerk), and leaving the parents to discover the bloodbath in the morning. You can almost make out the carnage in the reflection of the bulb at the end, but the Atari graphic pops up and hides it. Just listen to the smirk in the announcer’s voice . “Happy Holidays, from Atari” could easily translate into “Bend over children, here comes Atari.”

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